 | I want to preface this blurb with a disclaimer that I LOVE MY SON. But holy mother of Shiva, he’s been driving me bonkers… Maybe it’s because he’s two, maybe it’s the intermittent colds, maybe it’s the sleepless nights, or maybe it’s the barrage of nor’easters in Ridgefield, but Rustin has been precipitously frustrated… and frustrating. I have spiraled into a whirr of crazy, feeling like my sanity has been slipping away with each tantrum over wearing shoes before going out in the freezing cold! |
So as my darling husband was putting Rustin to bed last night, I drew a bath and put on a timely episode of Hidden Brain, “The Carpenter Vs. The Gardener: Two Models of Modern Parenting,” (listen to the episode here).
The idea is that the carpenter parent is focused on raising and shaping a child to become the adult they want their child to be, whereas the gardener parent focuses on creating a nurturing environment that allows the child to grow into their own. There is a continuum between these models of course, and it was nice to really think about the model I most identify with. My ideal would be creating a beautiful, bountiful garden for Rustin to frolic around in…. with the carpenter skills to build a garden shed, lol.
The idea is that the carpenter parent is focused on raising and shaping a child to become the adult they want their child to be, whereas the gardener parent focuses on creating a nurturing environment that allows the child to grow into their own. There is a continuum between these models of course, and it was nice to really think about the model I most identify with. My ideal would be creating a beautiful, bountiful garden for Rustin to frolic around in…. with the carpenter skills to build a garden shed, lol.
| But after listening, I felt like I had a shift in my perspective. I had been frustrated recently over many things that were out of my control, and I just had to let that control go. My carpenter side has been doing the heavy lifting, but now it’s time to let the gardener tend the garden. As long as I create an environment that is safe, full of love and kindness, and fun for Rustin, I’ll feel like I’m the parent I want to be, and he can be the boy he wants to be. Jasmine McComas |  |
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